if i close my eyes just tight enough. breathe just right. you appear. your nose brushes my ear. lips press hard on my neck. over my cheeks. rough fingers slide soft over my arms. thighs. me. vivid. quiet. i feel your hair slide across my temple. my lips pushing all over your hands. your forehead. “don’t go. stay. just a minute longer.” you smile. that smile. “i can’t i’ve been gone too long already.” just like that. you’re gone. eyes open and i go about my day.

it went eight hundred miles in a carry on bag, but at least i know my heart is home.

happiness might actually be the word i’m looking for.

i heard that people who know how to come to someone in the right way get the truth from the person the question is about. it’s funny when people assume anything about a person they obviously don’t know. if you really knew me how seem to think you do by coming at me with this you would know how i feel and where i stand with the accusations in this “question.” i believe that if someone is with someone else and they became attracted to someone else, they would do the right thing by the significant other and break things off before even approaching someone else, let alone do anything that would ever constitute itself as cheating. next time approach me like the adult you think you are and not hide behind an optional grey icon on a public blog.

i feel the rubbing slowly starting at my feet. small swishing sounds whisper in my ear, “prepare your goodbyes.” i swat them away like gnats in the hot summer afternoon. my acceptance is far from acknowledged. my knees buckle and disappear. crawling on bloody stumps i still continue to play oblivious to the evaporating of my being. hitting my waist the butterflies escape in a flourish around my head. i’m so confused, “come save me!” but it’s too little, too late. vigorous circular motions start to swirl around my shoulders and head. traces of rubber fly about. heat flowers as you scrub harder. finally one solid thump resounds as the air clears.

“it’s okay i still love you,” says the heart in the pile of dust.

i’m just going to let you guys in on the conversations that happen with sean on a daily basis. usually they end by him saying that he’s going to have to drag me away from somewhere so i don’t get charged with a felony or kill myself out of my own awkward naivety. i like seeing these conversations quoted because they make him laugh and myself look unbelievably stupid, which in turn makes me laugh.